It just so happened that as my sister was getting married on Dec 16th I was marking my 10th wedding anniversary on the same day. My father in-law too Mr G.N Agomo was marking his 44th anniversary.
Top 10 things I've learnt in 10years of being married:
1. Marriage is as beautiful as you're willing to make it - God's grace is available so its up to you to work out your marriage's salvation with love and patience. Pray, play and plan together.
2. It's better to go with what you know than what you feel-- Feelings are fluid and erratic. Sometimes I'm so much in love I'm literally floating and I feel like even giving her things I don't own like the Central Bank or an oil well. Other times I'm so pissed off I feel like locking her up in the deep freezer for 7 days with bags of cement on top it (yeah she's so hot it wld take that long for her to start to freeze). But when you have settled it in your heart that you love and care about her, this knowledge makes it easy to face moments of uncertainty and navigate through contention TOGETHER.
3. Love still trumps hate--Put ur foot down without being a bully, tyrant or aggressor. When things go wrong be eager to put them right. Don't always wait to receive an apology.
4. Respect yourself--No need to demand respect from your wife. Simply respect yourself at all times and in all things. When it comes to money, school fees, bills, the kids, socializing, distractions, your devotion to God, extended family, your work n hustle, brother respect yourself. Hers will be a natural consequence.
5. Break the routine--Boredom, frustration, dissatisfaction, irritation and strife are all brothers. Their senior cousins are mischief, straying and high-tech 4G lying . They all have each other on speed dial. So don't quench the spirit. Change things every now and den. Be refreshing, even a computer needs to be refreshed so it doesn't hang. Throw those pots and cutleries away. Burn those curtains and bedsheets. Give out those pile of clothes. And change ur parade in the ozza room too.
6. Your phone and gadgets. Life and death are in those devices. Guard your phone with all diligence for out of it.....Your phone is like an airport. All manner of people arrive there. Its up to you to decide who goes through and what "baggage" gets in. Help yourself. Save yourself. Be wise. Be smart but not cunning. Filter filth. Don't allow anything you cannot explain without stammering.
7. Her first. She shld have absolute confidence that at a moment's notice you'd always give up yourself for her. She's your soul n sole mate. If she has questions and doubts about this, you still have work to do. Keep at it. Nobody is perfect. Acknowledge and accept your flaws and do same for her. Her flaws shouldn't be a weapon in ur arsenal. Being a builder, a booster, a repairer, a cheerleader is the way to go.
8. Your kids. Give them all the attention required and tell them you love them very often even though our parents didnt vocalize their love for us. They took it for granted that we knew. Well kids need to hear it repeatedly. Nothing builds their confidence more than being constantly reassured of your unconditional love for them. The added bonus is that your wife would love you more. Ive heard it said that while the way to a man's heart is his stomach (tho not in my case, my wife has long given up on trying to pass through the kitchen to my heart), the way to a mother's heart is her children.
9. Attention attention attention. Its like cocaine. Women get high on it. Genuinely load her with it, lots of it and its not hard at all. Its your get-out-of-jail card.
10. We are a team. I'm not the Holy Spirit and therefore cannot be all over the field at the same time. Leaning and relying on each other is a beautiful thing.
All of this ofcus wouldn't matter if you're married to Lucifer's cousin/apprentice cus na so so daily unprovoked bulala plus koboko u go dey chop. Thankfully I'm married to Jesus's favorite sister.
In conclusion, my wife is a reference point. She's a city on a hill. Im the hill and she's my crown jewel. 10years in the bag. Many more to go till we leave here to go marry Jesus over there.
I love her. She knows it, my girls know it, heaven knows and endorses it.
Merry Christmas again.
